Hello to the ether. I was talking to C tonight and she's having a bad month. And in our conversation I realised we share so much-- family of origin issues and bereavement issues--though for different reasons. And how ever far apart we are in distance, one phonecall is all that's needed to bring us together. Love you, C.
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marnielouise. i love that the world is so small! hi to you! kisses to bry and love to my clairey!2. another beautiful day, even though i had a migraine all day.
3. our beautiful (dog-greyhound) rosie who curled up at my feet all day, because she she knew that i wasn't well
- Mood:
contemplative
unwinding three things for which i am grateful.1. my meeting with ann yesterday. yes i am still doing my phd, but at least i am getting to the finishing point.
2 that we are in a good place and i adore her, foe her beauty and her integrity and her insistence on us working hard at our relationship.
3. that today was a cool day, thank god.
there will more to say because it has been so long since i posted
much love xoxo
i really believe i'm going to get it finished!!
sophie (my 17 y-o daughter) went for an interview for a job at a childcare centre today and i pray that she gets it. she has spent most of the past year *actively* not working and getting more and more depressed. so to see her doing something about it is almost unbelievable. and marvellous but in that nerve-wracking way!
so the kids are doing well; mostly. and what else? i adore my girl. my marking is finished, and i can get going on my thesis and poems.
and happiness taps me on the shoulder. and i try to welcome her presence. gulp.
X
- Mood:
hopeful
but last night i had a talk with
unwinding. and she was saying that even when i lie about being depressed, it is with me, and with anyone who cares for me. she used a great analogy about being overweight (which i also am). she said you can eat well when you're with others, (which i do) but at the end of the day your body will show what's happening.and i've been very good at trying to "protect" the people i care about, by denying my true mental state. trying to ignore the dog gnawing at my belly.
so i've decided--not to wallow--but to try to reach out when i need help. if you're not hearing from me, that's a good sign that i need you.
and not only will i be more honest, but maybe i won't feel so alone, as i do sometimes.
- Mood:
depressed
on the advice of my doctor, and assorted people who love me, i am being admitted to a private psych clinic tomorrow, to be in a safe environment where my anxiety, depression, etc. can be assessed and my medication sorted out.
it's a voluntary admission, and i shouldn't be in there for more than 2 or 3 days.
my life has been damaged by the keeping of bad secrets, and i think it's time for all that to stop.
depression is a dark and slippery fucker, and i've been fighting him a long, long time. the last few weeks have been truly awful, and i can't go on like this any longer. getting proper help is the best thing i can do for everyone in my life--including myself.
so, if you feel so inclined, keep me in your thoughts/prayers... i really care about so many people here. and often, even if you're not aware of it (cos i don't say so) you make me feel better.
*hopes to climb back up that spiral soon*...
peace and love to you all
and, most importantly:
all my love to unwinding, who is my certainty and centredness when i feel i have neither. it will be better soon, my baby. i promise.
who(m) should i friend, and why?
have at it, folks...
beecher and keller in the house with all the cameras...
i'm betting there'd be sex on tv. and a shanking, or two. ha.
why oh why does it seem like such a good idea?
mandysbitch, i'm blaming you for this.Profile
- epicanthus
- epicanthus
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